I Will Never Understand...

Just over 4 months ago, one of my dear friends was killed by the father of her children.  There is no denying that their relationship was not healthy but she had left him, was back in school, and the kids were happy.  While he was always in the back of everybody's mind, we were so proud of what she was accomplishing.  She was finally moving on.

For some reason, he felt it necessary to take her life during a custody swap.  While I understand that he was/is unstable, it just doesn't make sense.  I have no understanding of how a person can drive to a place for the purpose of taking the life of another...his children's MOTHER at that! 

Shannon was one of the most joyful people I have ever known.  Over the course of their relationship, she dealt with some crazy stuff but we NEVER heard her speak badly of him.  She prayed for him CONSTANTLY and she respected him as the father of her children.

Her funeral was, by far, one of the most stunning experiences I have ever had.  There were over 1000 people in attendance.  I clearly remember watching her casket passing my pew.  It just did not compute.  How could one of MY friends be gone just like that.  That COULDN'T be Shannon's body in there.  How?

Over time, the sting has dulled but there are still those days that get me.  Usually, it's when I am least expecting it but most needing it.  Today, it has hit me like a brick wall.  The anticipation of tomorrows court date is overwhelming.  The thought that people who do not love Shannon as we do are going to decide the fate of the man who killed her.

  I'm angry. I'm aggrevated that he gets to be defended.  More than anything, I miss her.  It is in these moments that I hear Shannon perfectly.  She just wants me to pray.  For him.  For the judge.  For everybody who is involved in this thing.  When I let her into my heart, she brings a peace, but with that peace, I can no longer be mad.  For me, thats a hard thing to give up.  It makes me feel like I am somewhat in control.

So, even though I may be struggling to get there, I ask you to please pray.  Pray for Shannon's family, her children, and her friends and family.  Pray for the judge, the lawyers, and the jurors.  And because I know Shannon would have it no other way,

pray for him.

One of my friends, Natalie, made this video shortly after she died.  It has helped me a lot, especially in my moments of anger. 

So, readers, meet Shannon.  She was SUCH a cool girl.

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