I Will Never Understand...

Just over 4 months ago, one of my dear friends was killed by the father of her children.  There is no denying that their relationship was not healthy but she had left him, was back in school, and the kids were happy.  While he was always in the back of everybody's mind, we were so proud of what she was accomplishing.  She was finally moving on.

For some reason, he felt it necessary to take her life during a custody swap.  While I understand that he was/is unstable, it just doesn't make sense.  I have no understanding of how a person can drive to a place for the purpose of taking the life of another...his children's MOTHER at that! 

Shannon was one of the most joyful people I have ever known.  Over the course of their relationship, she dealt with some crazy stuff but we NEVER heard her speak badly of him.  She prayed for him CONSTANTLY and she respected him as the father of her children.

Her funeral was, by far, one of the most stunning experiences I have ever had.  There were over 1000 people in attendance.  I clearly remember watching her casket passing my pew.  It just did not compute.  How could one of MY friends be gone just like that.  That COULDN'T be Shannon's body in there.  How?

Over time, the sting has dulled but there are still those days that get me.  Usually, it's when I am least expecting it but most needing it.  Today, it has hit me like a brick wall.  The anticipation of tomorrows court date is overwhelming.  The thought that people who do not love Shannon as we do are going to decide the fate of the man who killed her.

  I'm angry. I'm aggrevated that he gets to be defended.  More than anything, I miss her.  It is in these moments that I hear Shannon perfectly.  She just wants me to pray.  For him.  For the judge.  For everybody who is involved in this thing.  When I let her into my heart, she brings a peace, but with that peace, I can no longer be mad.  For me, thats a hard thing to give up.  It makes me feel like I am somewhat in control.

So, even though I may be struggling to get there, I ask you to please pray.  Pray for Shannon's family, her children, and her friends and family.  Pray for the judge, the lawyers, and the jurors.  And because I know Shannon would have it no other way,

pray for him.

One of my friends, Natalie, made this video shortly after she died.  It has helped me a lot, especially in my moments of anger. 

So, readers, meet Shannon.  She was SUCH a cool girl.

www.thebusybudgetingmama.com

Wise Words

“Your time is limited, so don’t waste it living someone else’s life. Don’t be trapped by dogma – which is living with the results of other people’s thinking. Don’t let the noise of other’s opinions drown out your own inner voice. And most important, have the courage to follow your heart and intuition. They somehow already know what you truly want to become. Everything else is secondary.”
--Steve Jobs

You Can Call Me 'The Fruit Fly Killer'

Fruit Flies.  I HATE fruit flies.

For some reason, I have had this crazy infestation of fruit flies for the last month.  I have no idea why.  I have cleaned and cleaned and cleaned.  All dirty diapers go outside immediately.  I have swept like a crazy woman.  I have been wiping down the counter and table after every meal.  EVERYTHING!

Still...they continued to annoy me day in and day out.

Yesterday, I had it!  I was going to conquer these things even if I had to run around my house with a spray bottle spraying every last little wing...I was going to win!

So, yesterday, in my crazed fury, I googled it.  Yes, you heard me, I GOOGLED it...DUH!!!

So this is what I learned. 

Get small bowl and add a cup of apple cider vinegar and few drops of dish soap

Now, sit back, and wait for them to...well, you know...drown.

This was after an hour and a half.  AMAZING!

Happy Fruit Fly Killing!

Making A Fool-Proof Cleaning Schedule

The other day, a few girlfriends and I were talking about keeping up with chores around the house.  Between kids, meals, errands, cleaning, carpool, laundry, and any other mental or emotional breakdowns that happen throughout the day, it is so easy to get lost!

After having little C, I found myself wandering through my day so overwhelmed with everything that I had to get done.  I felt like everytime I started on laundry, someone needed to be fed, changed, or whatever else goes on with having two babies.  At the time, my husband was working ridiculous hours and while he couldn't always physically help with the work, he helped me come up with a plan to organize myself.

So, this is what we did.  We sat down and made lists of the things that needed to be done daily, weekly, bi-weekly, and monthly.

Don't judge, I know my handwriting is ridiculous... :-)

So, once we came up with these lists, the next step was to put it into calendar form.  For this, I just took a blank piece of paper and wrote out four weeks worth of Monday-Friday. 

First, we added the weekly chores, being conscious of when certain things would get done in conjuntion with any weekly commiments that I had. 

After that, I went to bi-weekly.  I split them up pretty evenly and made sure to take time into consideration (not pairing two time consuming tasts together).

And last, I added monthly chores. 

I had considered putting them on a calendar with dates but after thinking about it realized that dates nor length of the month mattered.  There will always be Monday-Friday.

So, once I got it all settled, I wrote it up on my refrigerator calendar my awesome sister-in-law gave me. 

Now, everyday, I don't have to get overwhelmed with a long list of things to do.  Rather I have 2 or 3 things to do each day and it's pretty simple to keep up with.  Obviously, you will have your times when you miss days and have to catch up but that can be done at your discretion.  Those are the times when it is nice to be your own boss!

Anyways, thats my cleaning schedule.  No matter how organized you are, it all comes down to self-discipline and being flexible to work with the variables around you.  Nothing is ever perfect. 

Happy Cleaning!

Mama Lifesaver: Grocery Shopping with Sick Babies

I have just discovered one of the GREATEST Mama LifeSavers!

With three very sick kids and a husband who is out of town, I found myself in a bind yesterday as I used up the last of my milk, eggs, and oatmeal cereal for mini-C.  AHHH!  All day I debated whether to take them out to get what I needed.

And then, I discovered it...

One of my friends had mentioned this to me before but I had never really looked into it.  Whether it was God or luck, I happened to stumble upon a coupon I had saved for $10 off and a waived service fee!

Now, I don't normally shop at Harris Teeter because I find it quite expensive.  But, I do know that they have FANTASTIC sales and their meat is always great!  So, I decided to log onto their site and check it out.

Holy Macaroni, I have just added a major resource to my 'mama lifesaver' file.  Not only did I get all of the basics that I needed for a reasonable price, but I was also able to scan over EVERY SINGLE ITEM ON SALE.  Shopping made simple! 

Needless to say, I punched in my coupon code, chose my pick up time, and was absolutely delighted by the simplicity of this system.  Problem solved.  Kids stay in the car, nobody else gets sick, and we can eat again! 

Mothering in Shades of Grey

One of my biggest 'ah-ha' moments as a mother has come in the last couple of months.  After struggling to be everything to everyone and keeping myself to a strict 'right vs wrong' standard, I realized something huge!  Most of life, and mothering, is not actually made up of 'right' and 'wrong' decisions.  Rather, it is more along the lines of good, better, best.

While it may seem simple 'common sense' to many, it was not for me.  I had been holding myself, and others, to these ridiculous standards that, in my head, were right vs. wrong. 

So often, when we take our kiddos to the doctor or talk with our friends or family, we hear about what we should be doing. 

"Your kids should get A, B, and C vaccine at this visit"
"They shouldn't be going to pre-school this young, they should be home with mom."
"He should be talking by now."

With every should or shouldn't that got thrown my way, the pressure to make the right decision became heavier and heavier.  Over time, I started to see things that I didn't actually believe were right or wrong but didn't really know what to do with it.  Without knowing about shades of grey, I was running myself into the ground. 

I knew something had to change and I knew that it had to be me.  With every day, I started challenging more things that I had thought were solidified truths.  From motherhood, to faith, to cooking, to relationships, and beyond.  I needed to do what worked for me and my family, as long as they were done with a genuine heart.

So, while trading bathtime for a baby wipe wipe-down isn't the best, its still just fine.  And while making a homemade meal every night is awesome, macaroni and cheese works too.  And guess what, if nursing for a year doesn't happen, I'm still a great mother who is not short changing her child! 

Letting go of all of these expectations gave me so much freedom as a woman.  Life is full of choices and most of the time its not black and white, rather, it's about finding YOUR shade of grey.

Halloween Traditions

Every October, we take a funny halloween picture of the kids.  The tradition started by accident and the feedback was so strong, we knew we couldn't just stop. 

When I was pregnant with my oldest, I was strolling through Old Navy and saw a hot dog costume that I found hysterical.  Better yet, it lined up with my sons projected size and was only $4.99.  PERFECT!  So, I bought it, and for MONTHS I looked forward to dressing him up.  Well, when Halloween 2008 came and, naturally, we were taking a ridiculous amount of 'first halloween' pictures when my husband had an idea...

And so the Annual Halloween Picture was born!

By the next year, little C had already joined the family.  As I have stated in a previous post, she was not a happy baby and we knew we had to play off of that with the 2009 picture.  We thought long and hard and finally came up with our Halloween 2009 picture:

I promise I didn't torture my daughter.  This was her constant state at the time.

Unfortunately, last year we were in the middle of a move and I was incredibly pregnant with Mini-C so we skipped the halloween picture. With the amount of out-cry I received from family and friends, I don't think we'll ever do that again! Anyways, last year Little P and Little C were Peter Pan and Tinkerbell.  

 Cute, but not funny.

So, this year, we are back.  On halloween morning, I will post our 2011 Halloween Picture!  The only hint I am giving is this:

My goal is to make people laugh out loud and I hope to accomplish that goal!  Stay tuned!