Windbreaker Dad

I am so proud to post today's Common Sense Dad post.  It is written by one of the coolest guys I know!  Jerry is the father of one little boy with another little dude, Liam, due in about six weeks!  I have so enjoyed watching them figure out this world of parenthood with a completely hands on and practical approach.  They just have that natural knack for being parents...without all of the drama.

Jerry is quite the funny guy so prepare to laugh!

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As the due date approached for my first son, Roman, I realized I was about to be thrust into parenthood with no idea what would be demanded of me. I began asking trusted men in my life what fatherhood was like and what advice they would give to a rookie like me. The broad scope of answers surprised me – be sure to make time for your kids – trust your instincts – don’t coddle them - just let your wife do all the work – make a financial plan – buy a minivan – don’t leave the house without pants on…ok, that last one was something my wife actually taught ME, but it can apply to kids, too! All this advice, but if someone were to ask me the same question today, I would first laugh because I wouldn’t feel equipped enough to answer (as I’m sure some of the men I asked thought), but then I would really think about the question.After all, the guy would be standing in front of me waiting for me to respond…so I would have to make up intelligently communicate something!

 

I think the best advice I can give about being a dad is…own it. Let me explain what I mean by this. I see so many cases where dads either aren’t in the picture, or they more closely represent the blurry, half-cut-off guy at the edge of the frame that the camera isn’t focused on. In an age that makes heroes of couch potatoes, video game addicts, and the extended childhood of young adult men, (think grandma’s boy or John C. Reilly and Will Ferrell in Step Brothers), the idea of what a real man is like has seemingly faded away like windbreakers - You see one every once in a while and you’re like, “What? Who even MAKES those things anymore?” They’re so distinct they catch your attention. But so do great Dads.

I want to be a windbreaker Dad. I want to walk down the street looking like a complete idiot because I let my son dress me for the day in a baseball hat, sports coat, mesh t-shirt, and spandex biker shorts (it’s better if you don’t ask that question you’re asking yourself right now). I want to have people whisper to each other while watching Roman and I play together in the water fountains at the mall. I want other parents to get annoyed at me when I cheer on Roman at his little league baseball games by screaming and making donkey call noises (thanks, Dad). After all, what’s the point of being a Dad if you’re not going to teach your son to stop caring about what other people think about you and do what you love with everything you are? Own it.God demands we do no less in Col. 3:23.

I know many dads out there who would rather put their kids in front of a TV to occupy them, or will let their child play with whatever they want in the house because it takes more work to discipline them than it does to just let them do was they wish. They do this because it’s easy. Easy….that’s a deceitful word. It’s a word that ensnares us men. The problem with taking the easy way out is it is most often the less beneficial to your child. Owning fatherhood takes work. It’s not easy. I don’t think God meant for it to be. It isn’t for Him. You have to make the choice to do what takes work because it’s what is right and is what will make your children grow into strong, loving, and healthy adults. They need to see you down out in the grass, rolling around, tossing them up in the air. That’s not always easy, though. But then again, wearing a windbreaker isn’t either.

The Common Sense Dad - Patrick

Today's post is written by an awesome dad of two boys, my brother, Patrick.

Although he is three years older than me, we started our families around the same time.  I have enjoyed walking along side one of my older brothers as we learned what it means to be a parent. 

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I have been in graduate school since my wife and I got married, so when we decided to have children, there were some logistical problems that had to be addressed. It was always our plan that she would stay home full time with the kids, but as you may have guessed, graduate students don’t make very much money so this was simply not possible. While I didn’t make much money, I did have a very flexible schedule. As a result, we managed to come up with a plan for my wife to work 2 days a week while I stayed at home with our son. Since he was a newborn, I was able to get some work done while I was at home with him, and I would work a little extra on the other days to make up for what I missed when I was at home. We were able to continue with this arrangement after our second son was born. In May, I got a fulltime job that allowed my wife to stay home full time and also provided an opportunity for me to finish my degree. My productivity had begun to suffer since the boys were getting bigger, and I was unable to get any work done while I was at home.

When we got married, this was not our plan, and it certainly proved difficult at some points because I was having to work more at other points during the week and we weren’t able to have as much family time as we would have liked. I knew that I had a special opportunity to spend time with my boys that alot of other dads don’t get. Since I took my fulltime job, though, my time with the boys has diminished, and I find that I really miss it. It was special time for just me and them when we’re each in the prime of our day. Now, I see them when I get home from work at night (and occasionally before I leave for work), but it’s not the same - I’m tired, they’re tired and usually off to bed shortly after I arrive. I also see them on the weekends, but the amount of quality time I get with them is less frequent.

I read an article recently (that I can’t seem to locate at the moment) titled “Hang up the Phone and Arrive”. The thesis was basically an elaboration of the title - when we get home from work, our kids are so excited for our arrival, but we can easily kill that excitement if we are still, for all intents and purposes, at work. Thus, for their sake, when we arrive home, we need to be home. The author, as best I recall, didn’t look at it from the dad’s perspective though. We don’t simply need to be home for their sake but for ours as well. Kids can be hard work, but they add so much joy to our lives that can be sapped by work and other obligations. When we have the opportunity, we need to take advantage of the time with our kids and the joy that they bring us - even if it is after a long day of work when we get to bathe them and help them get to bed.

Common Sense Dad: Let Kids Be Tough - Because They Already Are

Welcome to the first Common Sense Dad Friday! 

Naturally, my first spotlighted dad is one of my favorites...my husband! 

Enjoy!

Our children are our future. It is our jobs as parents to prepare them for the life ahead of them.  From an early age, we have the opportunity to teach our children how to be tough; and it is our responsibility to ensure that they learn this invaluable trait.  The funny thing is, children are born tough,and they learn weakness and fear from their parents.  When I say “tough,” I am not suggesting that we raise all of our children to be bullies or heartless robots.  The “tough” I am referring to is found in our day to day activities. 

When I was growing up, I loved a good electric storm.  Being from New  Hampshire these storms were rarely of any great significance, but I always hoped for a bright flash and a loud crack.  My younger siblings had mixed feelings about these storms; at least one of my sisters was petrified by them.  One night I got outwardly excited about an upcoming storm, we set up pillows on a bed and waited for the storm to hit.  The positive anticipation was like that of going to the movies, and it changed the entire experience. 

Fast forward about 20 years and a storm was coming our way, Little P and Little C had no idea what electrical storms were about.  Living considerably south of NH, storms are a bit more intense.  The three of us were outside playing as the winds picked up, at this point, they knew something was going on.  I told them that there was going to be “HEAVY” (which at the time was universal for “BIG” in our house) rain, and with the rain was going to be HEAVY lights and HEAVY bangs.  Their response was: “oh wow.”  I told them we would go inside the house and watch all of the heavy lights and bangs, and watch them we did.  They enjoyed it even more than I imagined. 

A couple strikes were extremely close, the type that stir fears that have been ingrained into us over the past million years or so, but even then, they just looked to me and observed my reaction (wow!) and mimicked it from then on.  Little P and C enjoyed it so much that they didn’t want to go to bed (there is typically no push-back on bed time in our house).  I made a deal with them that I would open the blinds and they could watch the storm from Little P’s bed.  They ran up and laid down next to each other, I pulled the blanket over them.  They were so focused on waiting for the next bolt of lightning; they never noticed that I left the room.  When we checked on them that night,they were right were I left them, at the foot of Little P’s bed, facing the window, passed out.

How many ten year olds cry when they scrape their knee?  How many are scared of thunder?  Children are naturally tough; they can endure anything we throw at them so long as we show them the way to handle themselves.  Whether it is a “boo-boo”, a storm, or a parent traveling for an extended period of time, kids are born with the capacity to overcome hardship.  It is our duty as parents to instruct them in how to approach the difficulties of life, we can teach them to fall back on weakness, or rise above with strength.   

Making a Few Changes: Friday Feature

When I started this blog, my intentions were to link up with other parents, trade what has worked for us, and support one another.  I have always enjoyed hearing other mothers talking about their successes (and failures) because it can often take the guess work out of my day.

In order to broaden our spectrum of advice, I have decided to start something new!  Starting next Friday, October 21st, I will begin a Friday Feature.  From now on, my Friday blog will be written by a dad or a grandparent.  My plan is to alternate between the two every week.

I always find it interesting to hear my husbands' take on situations and why he does things the way that he does them.  Usually, its incredibly practical and I have learned so much from him!   Given the basic differences between men and women, there is a reason we were created to compliment each other.  We have totally different vantage points and its time to hear his side of the story!

Likewise, I LOVE listening to parents who have already 'been there, done that'.  By far, my #1 mama resources are my parents and my in-laws.  I call with questions often and, to be honest, they are usually right.  Like they say, hindsight is 20/20...well, I want to hear that 20/20. 

So, put it on your calendar!  On October 21st, this blog will turn into The Common Sense Grandparent.  And who else to start this new feature off than...

MY MOM!

I am so excited to hear what these dads and grandparents have to say! 

If you are a grandparent or father or want to suggestion someone, feel free to e-mail me at thecommonsensemama@gmail.com 

Work in Progress...

Obviously, I am not very good at this whole 'blogging' thing because I thought that my 'Work in Progress" post would only be seen on The Common Sense Wife, Dad, and Grandparents pages.  BUT, since it went onto the main page, I guess I'll just fill you in.

I have a plan.  My hope for this site is to feature a few posts a week from dads, grandparents, and topics related to marriage.  I love hearing other prespectives so I wanted to share them with you! 

So, I'm not sure when these posts will start but I will surely let you know. 

Thank you for your support thus far...I am having a blast and I hope you are enjoying it as well!