The Penalty Box

If you haven't noticed already, I am a woman who thrives on order and plans.  I get overwhelmed so easily that having a set schedule or 'plan of action' is my key to a successful day.

When Little P started getting to the age where he was CHOOSING wrong or disobedient behaviors (obviously age appropriate), I knew I had to come up with a plan.  This sporadic discipline was not working.  I needed to have a plan of action that ALL of us knew about.  He needed to know his causes/consequences and so did we. 

So, my husband and I talked about different ideas for a few weeks and then decided that we were going to do our own version of Supernanny's Naughty Step.  Call me a feel good mom, but I wasn't so thrilled on using the term 'naughty' so we decided on

The Penalty Box.

The key to this system was that we had to remain cool, calm, and collected.  We had to remember that these behaviors, as irritating as they were, were not personal attacks.  Little P was doing this TO ME...there was nothing for me to be offended by.  We had to change our way of addressing discipline from punishing to training.  So, now that we had the right intention behind our plan, this is how it would work when a behavior needed correcting:

1) Down on eye level; Warning in a stern but collected voice.

(Little P, I asked you not to throw your toys.  If you do it again, you will go to the penalty box.)

2) Once the offense is done again, without saying anything, sternly but not aggressively take them by the hand and lead them to the penalty box.  No words.

3) Get down on eye level, in few stern but collected words, explain why and how long they are there.  Walk away.

(Little P, you do NOT throw your toys, you will be in the penalty box for 3 minutes)

Age = Time in Penalty Box

Do NOT stand there and hold them/guard them in the box.  This is a lesson in self control and obedience.  You are doing the training, not being trained.

4) If they leave the penalty box, you say nothing, put them back, and start the time over.

The first few times, it may take a while, but stick with it, it's worth it!  I know once mom who battled for 45 minutes, never lost her cool, and it worked!

***The KEY is to remain calm.  Do not show one ounce of disgust on your face.  If the child knows they are getting to you, it defeats the purpose.  You are addressing the behavior, not the child.****

5) After the required minutes are over.  You go to them, get down on eye level, explain the 'offense', ask for an apology, and give them a big ol' hug.

(Little P, Mommy asked you not to throw your toys but you still did.  Next time you need to listen to mom, okay?)

Everybody has different opinions on asking for an apology but from my personal experience, I found that it taught them about being sorry.  I rarely have to ask anymore, even when it's not a penalty box situation, because they understand the concept. 

Lastly, introducing it in a fun way is always crucial.  If they see that you have put the effort in, they know you are not playing around.  We followed Supernanny's recommendation and made up our house rules and posted them in the kitchen. This way, we were all on the same page as far as expectations.  It's not fair to hold them responsible for a million rules that may or may not have been previously covered.  We then made a sign and taped off an area in our dining area. When the kiddos got up from their nap that day, we went over the rules (giving silly examples of every 'wrong thing') and explained to them how the system would work.

This system has been a lifesaver in our house. There are days when it is used often and then we can go weeks where a warning is good enough. If you are going to use this system, its extremely important that you are not only consistent but that mom and dad are on the same team! The system has to work the same way during the day, evening, weekends, with mom, or with dad. With a united front, they will take it seriously.

I can say that we have a much happier house now that the kiddos know their boundaries and we know our response.  There is no hesitation, only confidence.  Good luck!



The Best Christmas Gift - He Said 'YES'

Every Christmas, I love to reflect on Mary's 'yes'.  I find it overwhelming that she had such a simple faith that it didn't take convincing for her to follow God and carry Christ.  I often wonder if I could have the same faith.

This Christmas I recieved a gift that was so magnificent that I couldn't wait to share.  (No, I'm not pregnant!)  Last Christmas Eve, my brother, Fr. E, was ordained a Catholic Priest in Rome, Italy.  He had studied for 11 1/2 years to prepare for this day.  He was finally reaching his 'wedding day'. 

Fr. E is the second oldest of my three older brothers.  He is 7 years older than me.  As much as I enjoyed having three older brothers, I never really got a chance to know the older two when I was younger.  Fr. E left for West Point when I was in 6th grade and then the seminary when I was in 8th.  Besides letters and the occational visit, he had not watched me grow up.  He didn't know a lot about me and I didn't know a lot about him.  We were sibilings and we loved each other but our lives had not come together very often thus far. 

Then, after getting married, we moved to Naples, Italy.  At the time, Fr. E was living in Rome, Italy (just 2 hours north).  For the first time, I was given the opportunity to get to know him and he was being given the opportunity to know me...as a grown woman, wife, and mother.  I was no longer just his little sister. 

During the three years that we lived in Naples, Fr. E and I's relationship grew by leaps and bounds.  We both learned a lot from each other.  He and my husband and children formed a relationship that none of my other brothers have had the chance to have.  I forever grateful for the years that I spent living near him.  If we had not moved over there, I don't know if we would have ever gotten to know one another.

About a year out from ordinations, we had a unofficial idea that ordinations would be the following Christmas. 

On April 16th, while visiting Florence, Italy, I found out that I was pregnant with Mini-C. 

My due date: December 22, 2010. 
Fr. E's Ordination Date: December 24, 2010

As you can imagine, the tears flowed.  Still to this day, I have no clue how I got pregnant but continue to believe that God had a plan.  He knew what He was doing.

Obviously, I knew that I would not be attending my brothers long awaited ordinations since we were moving back to the States the next month and a world-wide trip was not in the cards at 40 weeks pregnant or with a newborn.  I was heart-broken.

Mini-C ended up arriving early but not in enough time to secure her a passport.  Now it was time for me to step up to the plate and carry out the Will that God had for me in that moment.

About a week before ordinations, Fr. E called me.  He said one of the most amazing things to me and it carried me through this time.  He said,

"Jeanne, during this time, we have a connection.  You are being asked to live the fullness of your vocation as a wife and mother as I am entering into the fullness of my vocation as a Priest.  How cool is that?"

As tough as those days were, they were much better than I had expected.  My brother had given me a purpose.  I refused to dissolve into my own self pity, rather I was going to turn it around and live each day fully, offering up all of my sacrafices for him.  He needed the graces much more than I did.

My family called me before taking off and everybody kept in touch via phone, internet, and pictures.  As the pictures started to pour in, that feeling of being left out and 'I should be in that picture' started to take over.  It was such a hard thing to accept. 
I had spent the last three years with him. 
I had a close relationship with him. 
I should be there.
WRONG.  It's not about me!

There was a purpose.  I had to trust that (as I took care of a newborn and two toddlers with the stomach flu...awesome!)

Over the course of this last year, I have seen pictures, I have spent time with Fr. E, and we were at his first Mass and reception when he visited my parents.  It was amazing.  Still, that feeling of regret kept creeping in.  I should have been there.  I didn't get to experience any of this amazing week with my family.  I didn't get to hear the toasts or see his first Mass. 

And then, when my parents arrived last week, my mom brought a video that my cousin had made.  It had his first Mass, the toasts, and so many memories.  While I will never have the satisfaction of 'being there', all of my questions have been answered and I got to experience some of the moments that my family had experienced.  Part of the hole in heart has been filled in. 

My pride for my brother is enormous.  As I reflected on Mary's 'yes', I realize that my brother has also said 'yes' and for that I am thankful.  If he would not have chosen to follow his calling, I don't think my family would be where it is.  As my dad said in his toast,

"What I realized is that in all of this time of us supporting Fr.E and helping Fr. E because he's doing something so hard, in reality, he knew what he was doing.  And all he doing was looking back at us saying 'Come on!  Follow me!' and we all have."

So, Fr. E, cheers to your first anniversary!  I am so very proud of you and am so thankful to have you as an example for what it means to live our 'yes' in everyday life.  Thank you for encouraging me to live my 'yes' when all I wanted to do was pity myself.  I love that my kids have you as an uncle!

Soaking It All In...

One of my favorite parts of Christmas is carrying out our different family traditions.  There are things that both P and I have brought to our family that make our Christmas Season awesome. 

This year, we made a consistent effort to put the emphasis on Jesus instead of Santa.  I can officially say that for probably the first time in my LIFE, I was successful at focusing equally, if not more, on the reason for the season instead of Santa/presents/food/etc.  I found it so much easier to do that this year because I was so conscious of my kids understanding WHY we were celebrating.  I didn't want them to scream out 'SANTA COMES' when someone asked them about Christmas, I wanted 'JESUS' BIRTHDAY' to be the first thing to came to mind.

We had a lot of fun making it a super fun weekend and they really did understand.  I realized that they understood when, on Christmas morning, while running downstairs, before going to see their presents, P brought them straight to see the Nativity.  I knew they'd be chomping at the bit to look at the tree but they weren't!  I was shocked.  They were so enthralled with the fact that baby Jesus was laying in the manger and my shy son sang 'Happy Birthday' louder than I've EVER heard him sing!  Definitely a proud mama moment!

All of these moments really got me thinking about how simple it is to teach our little ones.  They are like little sponges WAITING to soak up what we have to offer.  Oftentimes, we overlook this amazing opportunity to form our kids because we're busy or tired or just don't want to have to put forth the effort.  But the fact of the matter is that if we don't teach them, society will.  If we don't value the true meaning behind the Holidays or praying throughout the day, how will they EVER learn to value it?  These are things that will not just suddenly click one day...they have to be taught. 

As deep as it sounds, we are forming the future.  We are laying the groundwork for our world in 20 years.  I want to put forth adults who understand that there is a deeper value to life and things.  I want to raise little adults that understand what it means to be generous.  I want my children to be grownups who seek personal responsibility over comfort because they know that it is right.  All of these things, they have to be taught.  They are watching us.  Are we living those qualities that we want them to attain? 

Being a parent is rarely comfortable.  It means constantly giving of yourself, realizing that usually your children's behavior generally reflects directly on your decisions, and stepping up to the plate to follow through on those examples for them. 

So, now that I have veered so off course of my original objective for this post, I will wrap it up by saying that this Christmas has been an awesome one.  We enjoyed each other, celebrated the birth of a King, and it kicked my rear end in gear to do what I am called to do as a mother and form my children into loving, responsible, and generous adults.

They are like sponges, what am I going to give them to soak up?



Packing - Day 2

Day 2 is definitely the lighter of the two day packing system.  On day two, the first thing I do is get down the suitcases.  I use one suitcase for all three kids for a few reasons.  One, if I don't, there is far too much room to over pack.  Secondly, there are three of them and two of us...we can't be toting tons of little suitcases everywhere.  And lastly, it is so much easier to keep everything organized and together at our destination when I don't have suitcases all over the house/hotel room/etc.

So, once I get the suitcases, I put them to the side in my 'packing room'.  When packing my kids clothes, I am very systematic.  The first thing I do is go through the days that we will be gone.  I figure out the 'special outfits' that will be needed.  For this weekend, we'd be going to church on Sunday and we were going to be celebrating Mini C's birthday.  Child by child, I lay out everything they would need for these two occasions.  I laid out all of their church clothes, socks, shoes, belts, tights, bows, etc.  Then I moved on to Mini-C's birthday outfit, socks, shoes, and bow. 

After I have any 'special occasion' clothes laid out, I move on to the every day clothes.  This is where the open table or bed becomes VERY important.  The first thing I lay out are pajamas.  I use them as place markers for each child. 

After I have their pajamas out, I move on to their clothes.  For the older two, I pack one extra 'everyday' outfit.  I start with Little P and move down the line from there.  So, this is what I do. 

First, I lay out P's CLOTHES.

Then, I add socks and underwear to every outfit (plus one extra).

And lastly, I lay out any shoes that he will need.

Once I do this, I repeat the same process for the girls, taking it step by step.  This is what my table ends up looking like.

Once I reach this point, I can breathe a sigh of relief.  The hardest part is over. 

Next, I finish off my first day bag.  For this trip, we were going to be changing them into these clothes at our breakfast stop.  They needed to be comfy for car riding but cute for arriving at Nana and Pepe's house.  So, I take one outfit/socks/underwear/shoes for each child and pack it into my 'First Day' bag.

Now, if you remember, our first day bag should last us through the first twenty four hours.  So, since we will be leaving at 3AM, I have the clothes that they will be changing into, their bath soap, diapers, wipes, extra underwear, tooth brush, tooth paste, and pajamas for the following night.  Done.  Zip it up and add it to the pile of things to get packed.

Lastly, we just have to pack up all of their clothes.  Like I told you, I put all three kids in one suitcase.  I put all of their socks and underwear in the mesh compartment and then line the rest up child by child.  Little P usually has the right side, Little C usually has the middle, and Mini C has the left side.  This is what it ends up looking like.

Once everything is packed up, I get to pack up the car.  My husband usually packs up our car for other things, but he is so awesome at letting me do it when we go on trips.  There is something about knowing that it is all organized. 

First I get everything into the back (suitcases, stroller, food for our destination, Christmas presents, etc.)  The last day bag is the last bag to go in so I can easily access it when we stop.  Then, I move to the front of the car.  I place the snacks in between the console and the dash board, the diaper box directly behind the console, the toys right behind the passenger seat, and the DVD player behind the drivers seat.  I also adjust their car seats so they are leaning back and place a blanket in each car seat so they can go back to sleep once we load them up in the morning.  They also each have a sippy cup of water but those stay in the console unless they ask for them.  With two potty trained kiddos, less water = less stops.  They know they can take sips but we won't be chugging water...haha.

So, that's about it.  I can't tell you how nice it is to get in the car and drive off knowing that I have everything I need. 

I hope these ideas have helped you in your packing this Holiday Season and beyond.

Merry Christmas!

Packing - Day 1

We traveled often when we lived in Italy.  Whether it was a quick trip to Rome, a three week visit to the States, or a 5 day trip to Greece, I realized quickly that I needed to come up with an efficient way of packing for our trips.  So, in true Jeanne fashion, I came up with a system.

Now, I LOVE packing for trips.  I can't wait for it.  I love that feeling of being on top of things and knowing exactly where things are.  I love getting in the car and not worrying about leaving items behind or toting too much.  With three little ones, I have enough to worry about.

So, today I will go over the preparations.  The days leading up to the trip and how I get it all together.  I will cover the differences in air travel, car travel, age of children, diaper bags, etc, in other posts.

So, let's begin!

The trip that I was preparing for was a 12 hour drive to my in-laws house.  One of the biggest parts of planning a drive is planning your departure time.  For us, we have determined that all of us do better when we leave in the middle of the night.  By leaving at 3AM, the kids will continue to sleep/doze for the first 3-4 hours of the trip.  Once they do wake up, it's pretty easy to stretch them for another hour or so with bananas, morning conversations, etc.  About 5 hours in, we generally stop for breakfast/stretch legs/change into day clothes/gas.  After this, we are ready to finish the drive.  It's at this time that they will watch a movie/look at books/etc and will usually doze back off because they are tired from their sleep being disturbed.  After they wake up, its the job of the passenger adult to keep them entertained with a movie, snacks, books, singing, conversation, etc. until we arrive at our destination.  In order for this departure time to work, we have to be in bed by 9pm the night before. 

So that is where my planning begins.  Once I know my 'end time' (9PM) I can start planning the days leading up to it.  The first thing I do is write out my 'plan of action'.

I fold a paper (as shown above) so I have 6 sections.  Everybody has different categories but mine are generally Errands, Grocery List, Schedule, Food to bring, Snacks for the Car, and Things to Remember.  It's easy to fold this list up and keep it in my back pocket to add to throughout the days.

So, my system is a two day system.  Day 1 is used to for laundry, grocery shopping, errands, and the non-clothes stuff and Day 2 is for clothes and packing the car.

The key to my system is having an open space to lay everything out (a table, bed, bathroom floor).  This space needs to be 'non-touchable' by the kids and big enough to hold A LOT of stuff.

DAY 1

I head to the grocery store first thing in the morning.  This is my chance to get any items that we will be bringing with us. 

At home, I am focused on getting ALL of the laundry washed, folded, and put away.  In between this, I start with the food.

I gather it all on the table and then separate it from there.

After boxing up the food that I am bringing, I make my snack bag for the car.  Knowing that this bag stays in the front with us, it has to be skinny enough to fit in between the front console and the middle dash.

Once the food is done, I get my 'Diaper Box' together.  The diaper box serves the same purpose as a diaper bag but it doesn't leave the car.  When I had three in diapers, it was full of diapers, wipes, medicine, pacifiers, etc.  Now, it sits pretty empty but its still really nice to have a place for all those little things.  I still prepare a diaper bag but this way, I can just grab and go when we get out of the car instead of chasing down everything I needed throughout the car. 

The first part of my diaper box is the medicine.  I take Advil and Tylenol every time we travel.  With three kids, everybody has a different dosage.  What I have discovered to be the most effective is to write out every body's dosage on a piece of cardboard (won't bed or get lost) that fits in the same sandwich bag.  This way, WHOEVER gives them medicine will know the proper dosage.

After I do this, I pack the rest of the diaper box.

Once the food and the diaper box are packed up, I start on the non-clothes part of the first day bag.  I started packing a first day bag when we would travel back to the States.  I found that every time we'd FINALLY get to our final destination, it was a mad hunt to find the pajamas and toiletries it required to get dressed.  Instead of messing up my entire suitcase, I just started packing a first day bag.  This bag, usually my pink Vera Bradley bag, contains anything I could need during the first 24 hours.  So, on Day 1, I pack the toiletries and on Day 2, any clothes that I will need. 

And lastly, I pack any toys that we will take in the car with us.  I used to pack a lot of toys but have since realized that they really don't play with them.  So, now I just pack them for urgent times of distractions...haha.

Other than this, I just gather any of the other stuff that I will need (hook on high chair, Christmas presents, pack n play, etc).

Once all of my laundry is washed, folded, and put away, all of my non-clothes items are packed up, and errands are run, I can be confident in the fact that Day 2 will go well.

I hope some of these ideas have helped you with your own packing.  Stay tuned for Day 2.

How to Make Pretzel M&M's

When I was younger, my mom and I used to bump heads in a major way.  We are VERY much alike and I was an EXTREMELY hardheaded kid.  When we'd get to that point of not really talking, mom would always ask me to help her make pretzel M&M's.  At the time, I had no clue what she was doing but now as an adult I realize that it was a time for us to slow down, do something together, and just talk.  Even if I would go into it begrudgingly, by the end I was little miss chatter bug spilling my heart and mind to my mama.  It worked every time!

Maybe for that very reason, Pretzel M&M's hold a very special place in my heart.  There is something about them that comforts and relaxes me, even on the most hectic of days.  I want to share these with you and maybe you can use them to break down barriers or just have fun with the ones you love. 

(Pretzel M&M's can also be made by yourself...it's just not as fun.)

One of the greatest things about Pretzel M&M's is that you can make them for any holiday!  There are very few holiday's that M&M's don't make a special color combo. 

So, this is what you need:

1. Pretzels

2. M&M's

3. White Chocolate (I use Nestle while chocolate but my mom always used 'baking chocolate'...whatever floats your boat.

Lay your pretzels out on a wax paper covered cookie sheet.  You want them to be flat so make sure there are no overlaps.

You also want to pour your m&m's out next to the cookie sheet so you are ready to go once the chocolate is melted.

Next, prepare the white chocolate.

I use a 1 cup Pyrex measuring cup because the handle makes it easy to hold on to but you can use any microwave save bowl you feel comfortable with.

So, pour your chocolate chips in your cup:

You have to be careful not to burn the chocolate when melting it so just start off with 30 seconds in the microwave.  This is what it looks like afterwards.  Stir.

20 more seconds. stir.

 15 more seconds.  Stir.

Now you are ready to put them together.  Go back to your pretzels and start putting about 1/4 teaspoon of melted chocolate onto each pretzel.  It usually takes me a few to get the hang of how much to use.  If you can resist licking your finger, using your pinkie to push the chocolate off the spoon and spread it makes things a lot easier. 

If you are making these alone, do about 7 or 8 and then go back and put M&M's on the chocolate before it dries.  If you are working with someone, they can just follow behind you.  Make sure to put the M&M's 'M' down.

And this is your final result!

And there you have it!

I hope that you enjoy making and eating these as much as I have.  They really have been a catalyst to many awesome memories.

Giveaway Winner!

I am so sorry for the delay in posting the winner for the printables Giveaway!  I used random.org to find the winner.

So, without further ado.  The winner of the free printable from The Busy Budgeting Mama's etsy shop, Pretty Paperie Printables, is:

JESSICA C.

She and her family are living abroad in the Netherlands and she wants to use the printables for international themed baskets for friends' Christmas gifts!  They'll look GREAT!  Make sure to send us pictures!

Congratulations Jessica!