A Housing Update

It has been far too long since I've updated ya'll on the current status of our Log House Adventure.

This whole thing has been one of the most stressful experiences of my life.  As you all know, we were not looking to move.  When we came upon this house, I immediately shut it down.  It didn't fit with the picture that was in my head.  But just as with anything that is good, my heart softened and I was willing to listen to what my husband had to say.  As we prayed and talked about it, we both felt very called to slowly move forward.  Through the whole process, we kept the same mantra,

"We'll give it our all, but if it doesn't work, it doesn't work."

So, that's what we did.  We negotiated, we went under contract, we put our current house on the market, we wrestled with the bank, we cleaned and showed our house, we met with contractors, we met with inspectors, we figured out financing, and we waited.

With all of these steps, it was very hard to continue to trust in a plan greater than my own.  Being a planner at heart, this whole ordeal went COMPLETELY against everything in me.  I couldn't plan a darned thing and it made me so anxious.  All I could do is trust that we were doing what we were called to do for that day.

As time went on, and we were nearing our 30 day's until closing mark, P and I had to make a decision.  If our current home did not sell in the allotted time, do we close on the log home?  We had a few offers for renters, could 'technically' afford to keep both homes for a little bit, but was that smart?

After a lot of talking, arguing (mostly on my part...thank you anxiety), and praying, we came to the decision that we should let the log house go.  We decided that we were too young to be carrying two homes and if for some reason our economy got even worse, it would negatively effect the rest of our lives.  It would ruin everything we had worked for thus far.

So, for right now, our current home is still on the market and we are hoping that it sells sooner than later.  It could go a few ways:

1) If we go under contract on this house and the log house is still for sale, we'll go back to it and move forward.

2) If the log house goes under contract before we get an offer on our house, we'll take our house off the market.  We're not looking to move 'just because'.

3) If by mid-April, our house is still on the market and there have been no offers, we will take it off the market.  This can't go on forever.

So, there you have it.  We are at complete peace with our decision but still hopeful that it will work out.  We are learning a lot about being called to something 'only for a time'.  All we can do is listen to the inspirations that we receive and follow.  No matter what the big plan is, I know that it will bring me and my family fulfillment. 

But, I will admit, I would REALLY like to be filled in, if possible.  :-)

I'm Trusting You...

I have always had an innate understanding and trust in God's Will.  It is not something that I worked to develop, it has just always been there.  That faith has always brought me great comfort when I was up against something that was, humanly, very hard to understand. 

This trust has been under attack in the last few weeks.  As exciting as this move is, I am terrified!  I am scared about spending the money that we have worked so hard to save. I am scared to finally come to terms with the idea of homeschooling (I didn't say that out loud, ignore it).  I'm scared that I won't cut it when trying to be the mom I KNOW I'm called to be. 

The other day, after looking at the amount of closing costs/realtor fees needed for the selling and purchasing of these two homes, I about lost it.  As I rode in the car with P, I closed my eyes and prayed, "Lord, I don't want to do this.  I know we are supposed to, but I don't want to.  It's too hard."  With the most perfect clarity I got, "Trust me."  With that, I went to sleep (I think it was more of a body shutting itself down from stress kind of nap) and woke up with the most awkward peace.  I was still anxious, nervous, and emotional, but I had an authentic peace that if I just keep going, it will come together as it should.

My dad has always told me that at some point in life, I would have to risk it all.  I'd have to step up, shut my eyes, and just jump.  Well, I think this is it.  This is our game-changer.

I have trusted in God's Will for my life thus far, and they are right, His will always brings me the most fulfillment.  I suppose there is no reason to stop trusting now.  But for the record,

I'M SCARED OUT OF MY MIND!!!

(Thanks for letting me say that!)

Moving on From 2011

I haven't written anything about the New Year yet.  I've tried.  My words just weren't coming together.  I couldn't get myself together this week and I didn't know why.  Now, at 11:30pm on Thursday night, I am starting to figure it out.

2011 was tough!

Let's recap:

*Started 2011 with all of my children being sick for 6 weeks.

*Mini-C was Baptized by Fr. E

*Attended Fr. E's first home Mass and Reception

*Prepare for deployment

*Visited the hubs family in New Hampshire

*Took a weekend trip with P

*Deployment

*My friend, Shannon, was murdered

*My dear neighbor, Mel, passed away

*Deployment

*Took the kids to visit my parents in Atlanta

*Earthquake located 20 miles from my home

*Minor melt-down

*Deployment

*Best friend had first baby who ended up in the NICU

*Lost 33 lbs

*P came home from deployment

*Everything that goes along with the homecoming and readjustment

*Thanksgiving

*Visit to New Hampshire

*Christmas

*My other best friend has her second baby who also ends up in the NICU

*New Years

As I struggle to put one foot in front of the other this week, I couldn't figure out if it was hormones, a thyroid issue, or if I was just relaxing in anticipation of P and I's week long cruise starting this weekend.  Now, as I lay awake, I realize that I've never let down after this year.  I keep trying to focus on what I've learned and how I've grown but I haven't stepped back to acknowledge the fact that it was a tough one and I SHOULD be tired.

I struggle to put a cap on last year because I scared that I will forget.  I don't want to leave Shannon behind.  I don't want to move on from my brother's ordination and first Mass.  I'm scared that I'll forget all of the lessons that I learned while P was gone and more importantly that I will take for granted the fact that he's home. It's so easy to go backwards and get comfortable but this year was far too profitable for that to happen.  I'm just not sure how to categorize it and bring it into the new year as an asset instead of baggage.  So much happened that I wasn't able to really process any of it!

Maybe 'feeling' it isn't at all what I need.  Maybe this is one of those times where I am supposed to just hand it all over.  I've lived it all to the best of my ability.  Now, it's time for me to walk away carrying all of my triumphs and bruises having confidence in the fact that there is someone in far more control than me.  He knows.  He knows whats to come and why I needed such a 'crash course' kind of a year.  He'll let me know when it's time but for now, I can move on.  There's no need to hold on to any of it.

I am being given the opportunity to rest and relax with my wonderful husband next week.  It's time to recharge my battery, regroup as a team, and come back ready to tackle 2012.

Happy New Year, friends!  I'm excited to see what it holds.